Sep 9, 2011

on hold

I stayed up late last night, trying my best to sort through the overwhelming grief and disbelief that comes from loosing a loved one. Not just a family member but my 2nd Mom, and now the day after her passing I'm met with the surrealness that even though my world feels as if it has stopped, the world outside continues on as if nothing has happened and I sit here wondering how that's possible. Why is death so final? Having lost both my grandparents within the past 10 months, I think the day after is the worst. Having to wake up with the realization that from that moment on, my life with that person will cease to continue. The idea that if I call their phone number, no one will be there to answer. I of course have 30 years of memories and photos but some how, today, it doesn't seem to be enough.

Good bye to the most wonderful grandmother I could have asked for. I will miss you forever.



I'm taking the rest of the weekend off. Peter's parents are on their way down from California and I promised the kids that we'd spend the weekend together.

23 comments:

Ulaa said...

I know this feeling and it's difficult to pass by these moments. But they will pass; you won't forget but the feelings will make less pain.

I'm with all my heart with you and your family.

Lindsay said...

I'm so sorry, Tara...I lost my great-grandmother last month. She was a few months shy of 98 and even though I got to spend 26 years with her, it almost makes it that much more difficult, because like me and my cousins said, we always thought she'd be here. It's just never easy. Thinking about you and your family at this time and sending hugs your way!
-Lindsay

Dawn McVey (dawnsing) said...

Dear, sweet Tara,

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I'll be praying for you and your family, that God would help you through this hard, hard time and would comfort your hearts as you grieve. I pray that one day soon, you'll be able to smile when you think of your dear grandmother and all that she meant to you, remembering all those happy times together.

Sending all my love,
Dawn

Rebecca said...

My prayers are with you, honey!! I hope you can feel some peace at this time!

mollydianeh said...

Grandmothers ARE a second mother aren't they! You're right, the day after does feel worse, right from the minute you open your eyes and realize, "it is true". I'm so so sorry to read about your Grandmother's passing. I'll be praying for you and your sweet family.
For now, just BE a grand daughter; everything else will fall into place.

Sarah Martina said...

Oh dear, my heart and prayers go out to you and your family... I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm praying that you can some time soon find a sense of peace as you say goodbye to your sweet grandmother. Big, big hugs.

clouds shadler said...

I'm sorry for your loss Tara, grandmas are the best, sending good vibes yer way.

Hugs,
C

Jill said...

Tara, I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Lisa Russell said...

So sorry Tara. I know that feeling oh so well. Your family will be in our thoughts and prayers. God Bless You!

Nerissa Alford said...

Tara,
Blessings to you & your family.

Take care
Nerissa

Hearthandmade said...

im so sorry. My deepest sympathy is with you and your family x

Traveling Mama said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you and your family.
Love and hugs, Tina

Bonnie said...

I am so sorry for your loss...I know that feeling all too well. My brother passed away just over two years ago. That horrible feeling that the rest of the world is carrying on as normal while you are in total despair and grief is awful..I remember those feelings so well. I couldn't understand it either and yet...your life too carries on despite the grief you feel, with kids to feed and school and a marriage..you have to just carry on as cruel as it appears. But I think its the carrying on, the normality of life that gets us through these horrid times.

Wishing you peace and a restful weekend.

xxx

Gladys said...

so sorry to hear on your loss! take good care and can't wait to see your wonderful creations!

Queen of Paper said...

Oh friend! My heart breaks for you. I too have lost grandparent very close to each other and when you seem to be over the sad part... another slips away. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there. The sun will come out tomorrow :)

Elisa1 said...

So sorry to hear about your loss. Wishing you much peace and comfort today.

Christine said...

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your Grandma. Grandparents are such special people. Hugs xx

Cindy said...

I am so sorry for your loss, a grandparent is so special

AnastasiaC said...

oh Tara Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your Grandmother ((hugs)) i hope being with all your family will bring some comfort to you.
I too lost my beloved Grandmother close to three months ago and it still hurts so much...I was to fly overseas to see her in 2weeks but sadly she died suddenly and I still cant believe I wont ever get to see her and hug her again...

Kate Vickers said...

I'm a little late in leaving my comment, I apologize. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss. It's terrible to lose someone that you are close to. (((hugs)))

henzy said...

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. Our hearts and prayers are with you.

scrapomarjo said...

I am sad for you, I wish you one thousand happiness to tell her at once or to shout her so that she still lives in your heart. Best regards marjo
http://scrapomarjo.over-blog.com

Blossom inch said...

Sorry Tara to hear this bad news and I am rather late here. However, I am sending you thousands hugs and happiness and may God bless you and your family. My prayers are with you.