Jul 23, 2010

choices and more choices.

wow, time is really going by fast!! I'm actually very thankful for that! I've been spending a bunch of my time researching and reading up on options. I feel like there has been so much info. handed to me all at once. I'm the kind of person that really needs to read and re-read everything and take time to make choices.

I did want to mention a website that I've found so incredibly wonderful. It's like the clouds parted and sent a ray of light onto a support community/website. (I know, it's a bit dramatic, but it's exactly what I needed to find!) The site is called Hyster Sisters.

The problem with being 28 and needing a hysterectomy is that, while my group of girlfriends are incredibly supportive, I can't ask them for advice with this. (Which I suppose is a good thing for them!) I have so many questions that I want to ask, but what's a girl to do? I probably should have asked here, as I'm sure someone in blogland would have pointed me to this site.

A hysterectomy, is the last thing I thought I'd be making an appointment for at 28. I'm trying to accept the fact that Chase will be my last baby. I think I'm ready to let go of all the baby clothes I've been saving from both kids. I'm giving away all of my maternity clothes, that I saved for the ever hopeful 'just in case pregnancy.' I've tearfully begun the process of cleaning out the house, and packing up all things baby related.

and while I know I should be thankful that my dr. caught this in it's early stage, I'm secretly not. I've been angry, sad.... resentful. (although I'm not sure at who exactly.) But the bottom line, is that I would do anything to stay with my kids and Peter, and if that means loosing a few body parts along the way, well, so be it. Surgery date is in 6 1/2 weeks. We pushed back the date to let me heal from the prior surgery. Good and bad. It just gives me more time to think and clean.

I tell Alaina every day, let's be grateful for what we do have, and not complain about what we don't have. I'll admit, it's much easier said than done, even for me!

I'm determined not to feel bad or sorry for myself. It's just another part of life to deal with. So after this is all said and done, you can bet I'll be advocating Women's Health Month come May and I want to do something in January for National Cervical Cancer Screening Awareness Month. Maybe a fundraiser will be in order, and I can cross that off of my check list!


Joanna said...

I'm sorry to hear about your next surgery and will be keeping you in my thoughts. But I am glad to see that you are trying to keep everything positive.

I did want to mention that if you were looking to do anything in January to fundraise, I will be running the PF Changs Rock n Roll Marathon and was looking for a cause to raise money for. If you don't mind, I would love to be updated on anything that I might be able to help out with to help you reach your goal. Just a thought. :)


Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been a blog stalker for awhile now:) I just wanted to say "Hi" and I'm so happy that it was caught in the early stages. I went through cancer with my mom last year (uterine) and it was not caught until it was too late. I will join in your fundraiser and will also advocate for Women's Health as I just went through a round of much overdue testing myself and I know how important it is for women to get checked regularly.

Everyday we have to live life to the fullest and I know you and your family will do just that. I just wanted you to know that you are definitely not alone.

Take care of yourself and relax ( I know that is hard sometimes) it is the best thing for you.

I will keep you in my prayers & thoughts and hope for a speedy recovery after your surgery.

Hugs to you!


Unknown said...

My dear sweet Tara,

Don't ever deny what you are feeling! It is part of the process. You have every right to feel the way you do. It will help you to heal. We who stalk you are here for you. Vent anytime!! We will listen! I send you love my friend!!!

On a side note, we are back from Yosemite. All I can say is, WOW! You need a month to see all that beauty.Though I am not the photo master that you are I did take some pictures with you in mind. Can you send me your email so that I can send them to you?


Anonymous said...

Hi Tara,

Just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this. But you are not alone - we are all keeping you in our prayers!
You are amazing and strong and it's only natural to go through these emotions.


Danielle said...

Oh sweetie <3 I am truly happy that you found a support group/bloggin community to be able to talk about what you're going through. 28 sure is young, but I'm just glad that your doctor caught what he did when he did :) That way, you'll stay with your family and with us :D

Biggest Hugs sweetie and we're all here for you ~ vent about it whenever you want and we'll be here to listen to you! :) We all love you very much and support you all the way :D

Thinking of you :)

chris a said...

So sorry to read that you are going through this at so young an age. I was diagnosed with uterine cancer at age 43, had a hysterectomy, and have been cancer-free now for quite a while. We are so fortunate to live in a time and in a country where these problems can be detected and dealt with - my grandmother died at 45 of uterine cancer so I feel that every day I have lived past my surgery is a gift - to see my son grow into a wonderful man and to share many happy years with my DH. Every day my life is an adventure. Good luck and I will send my prayers.

Anonymous said...

angry... sad... resentful. I can so relate to that right now. I have no idea what this must be like for you though.

I've been thinking about that too... being grateful. Stuff like this always throws that back into perspective I think.
I keep reading facebook updates, from various gals I know who are pregnant, just complaining non stop about their pregnancy and it's so hard not to leave comments, that I would take the most difficult pregnancy ever if it meant holding my babies at the end of it. Wouldn't do any good though. But still. I'm really learning lately, not to complain.

I can't imagine knowing that I would just be done having children, I can't imagine what you must be feeling.

Just know I'm thinking about you - much love!

j. wilson said...

not the same thing at all iknow but i hear ya on the angry part. my DES status pisses me off on a daily basis (if not hourly). some days i use the anger to move forward, others i wallow wallow wallow and do remember and think of all i DO have even if i can't be a mom, sigh. and sometimes the anger makes me terribly sadder than sad. another sigh.

it is a difficult decision i am certain, you have a great support network and family and we're all saying take care of you and do it. i may not be able to give guidance on the surgery but let me know if you wanna talk hot flashes. erk! ;)

Angie Ulseth said...

I had a hysterectomy at 38 for different reasons than you, but I still went through many of the same feelings. It's hard to give up a part of what makes you a woman (even though logically I knew I was absolutely finished having kids, there's always that "what if I want another?" feeling). If you want to talk about having a hysterectomy with someone who's been there, I'll be glad to share my experience. My email is: aruhome@msn.com

Debbie Fisher (debbiedee) said...

I had to have one in my 30's. You are very welcome to e-mail me and ask any questions. They were sure I had cancer, but the tests came back negative.