choices and more choices.

wow, time is really going by fast!! I'm actually very thankful for that! I've been spending a bunch of my time researching and reading up on options. I feel like there has been so much info. handed to me all at once. I'm the kind of person that really needs to read and re-read everything and take time to make choices.

I did want to mention a website that I've found so incredibly wonderful. It's like the clouds parted and sent a ray of light onto a support community/website. (I know, it's a bit dramatic, but it's exactly what I needed to find!) The site is called Hyster Sisters.

The problem with being 28 and needing a hysterectomy is that, while my group of girlfriends are incredibly supportive, I can't ask them for advice with this. (Which I suppose is a good thing for them!) I have so many questions that I want to ask, but what's a girl to do? I probably should have asked here, as I'm sure someone in blogland would have pointed me to this site.

A hysterectomy, is the last thing I thought I'd be making an appointment for at 28. I'm trying to accept the fact that Chase will be my last baby. I think I'm ready to let go of all the baby clothes I've been saving from both kids. I'm giving away all of my maternity clothes, that I saved for the ever hopeful 'just in case pregnancy.' I've tearfully begun the process of cleaning out the house, and packing up all things baby related.

and while I know I should be thankful that my dr. caught this in it's early stage, I'm secretly not. I've been angry, sad.... resentful. (although I'm not sure at who exactly.) But the bottom line, is that I would do anything to stay with my kids and Peter, and if that means loosing a few body parts along the way, well, so be it. Surgery date is in 6 1/2 weeks. We pushed back the date to let me heal from the prior surgery. Good and bad. It just gives me more time to think and clean.

I tell Alaina every day, let's be grateful for what we do have, and not complain about what we don't have. I'll admit, it's much easier said than done, even for me!

I'm determined not to feel bad or sorry for myself. It's just another part of life to deal with. So after this is all said and done, you can bet I'll be advocating Women's Health Month come May and I want to do something in January for National Cervical Cancer Screening Awareness Month. Maybe a fundraiser will be in order, and I can cross that off of my check list!

a morning update

so sometimes when the going gets tough, the tough needs to get a second opinion from one of Arizona's best voted doctors... (that's what the plaque on her office wall said. ;) and she was a very good Dr.! good job AZ!

I use to think that when the going get's tough, the tough get creative. But no,.... that's not it. Getting a second opinion was a much better idea than sitting around scrapbooking this morning.

The good and the bad... another surgery scheduled for Aug and hopefully this will be the last of it! It's been 2 weeks tomorrow from the last surgery and I just need to wait another 4 to head back to the cancer center for the next operation. 4 weeks...... to twiddle my thumbs..... maybe a quick trip to Sedona? to try and keep myself preoccupied with....scrapbooking? 2 highly energetic children? of course I have some assignments due and a house that is never as clean as I would like. I guess I have plenty to do between now and then.

and speaking of scrapbooking that is exactly what I have on the schedule for today! Yay! I haven't made anything since before the surgery, so I'm kind of excited to sit down with some paper and my sewing machine again!!

it's the thought that counts

I tried to work this week, but it seems the anemia I have developed is kicking my butt. It's leaving me rather weak and tired..... two things I'm not used to. As a result, 2 or 3 naps took place each day, lots of vitamins were consumed and a few photos of the kids were captured, but nothing new was created.

I'll hopefully be feeling better and back to posting my color combo next Saturday. We're heading out shortly to watch the fireworks in Cave Creek tonight. :) I think it's cute our little town celebrates on the 3rd and 4th! Happy 4th of July to you!!

where to start?

** I first want to thank every one for the phone calls and emails. Peter has tried to respond to alot of them, but I'll get back to everyone.... it might take a little longer for me but I'll get around to it! **

I've really struggled with the idea of sharing anything more personal on this blog, other than art/scrapbooking stuff. After all, we all go through rough spots in our lives, and we all have our difficulties, I'm just not sure if I want to put mine all out there. But I keep going back to the idea that knowledge can only make us stronger and nothing is more important than your own health and then there's the point that this is my blog and I can talk about anything I find fitting.

These past 6 weeks have been a challenge, overwhelming most of the time, and completely draining emotionally. Which has been the likely cause of my nonexistent energy level and the constant need to want to sleep day and night. My surgery went well on Thursday and now we wait for more pathology reports. I think waiting for test results has been the worst part.

This post was actually Dr. Y's idea. Right before we headed in for Thursday's procedure at the cancer center, he told Peter and I, that I now have the job of convincing 10 women to make their yearly gynecological exam (pap-smear). We talked briefly about cervical cancer statistics among young women and the importance of early detection through pap-smears. Then I thought about my little blog and the amount of women who pop in occasionally to read and both Peter and I felt like if even just one woman calls to make a check-up apt. with her dr. then it was worth sharing my experience.

I kind of feel like I'm in the middle of a long confusing movie, and I'm just waiting for the ending to become more clear so that I can share the whole story. So, I'll wait and rest a few more days until the next set of results are in, and then I'll be back to talk a little more.

passing time...

Less than 12 hours from now, I will be at the Virginia Piper cancer center being prepped for surgery and I'm crazy nervous. 28 hasn't been the year I had planned for or expected, but I'll just continue to move forward... find new things to do, and fill my time with anything meaningful. I'll update my blog later this weekend. Just wanted to pop in and leave a positive song/video to watch. :)) wish me luck tomorrow!